Stand and Face Your Property
Step to the side Sir, there seems to be a problem with your ID.
This should only be a moment, please wait while we call security.
Good thing I’m not in a hurry.
I’m sure the plane will wait, as if I’m a snow flurry.
I got here with 2 hours to spare.
Not knowing it would be wasted by idiots extraordinaire.
And here I was all excited.
I even combed my teeth and brushed my hair.
If you needed clarification,
all you had to do was look at the big F on my identification.
We could have avoided this whole situation.
Now I will surely be late for my fucking vacation.
I just wanted to get outta here.
Go lay on a beach with a giant cooler of beer.
Now as sure as I am standing here,
I am being subject to hearing someone whisper “is hy Genderqueer?”
The guy in charge is standing off to the side.
He’s not sure what to do…I can see it in his over aged eyes.
There is no conspiracy;
I’m not trying to be anyone but me!
Oh, great…now they want to have me searched.
This is starting to feel like hell on earth.
All because I look like a man,
And my license says that’s not who I am!
Stand and face your property,
Empty your pockets for our bureaucracy.
I suppose next you’ll wanna see my strappy.
Confusion sets in, let the scramble begin.
Who will search this FTM?
A man, a woman…or, hey, how about a lesbian?
A crowd begins to appear.
Excellent, alive and well are my biggest fears.
How about some coffee while you wait?
Why not, at this point I’m surely late making it to my gate.
Could you maybe get those folks to stop gawking?
I feel like shouting “Dead FTM Walking”!
Finally, they find a gay employee.
The phag in me wanted to scream all girly!
She walks over to me with this look of “I’m so sorry”.
I shrugged at her, with a look of “Not to worry…”
She smiled and commenced with her duties.
I looked over, smiled and winked at the crowd…who was still looming.
They should be so lucky, because this girl was a cutie.
Wonder if she like to go lay on a beach with me.
Ok, now I’m just being really silly.
But still, I think I’ll ask for her number when she’s done.
Then again, she is carrying a gun.
My thoughts made me laugh out loud.
Another one of those moments, Mom would be so proud.
Yes, I must ask her for a date.
Perhaps they’ll let her walk me to my gate.
After all, it’s their freaking fault I’m late!
Here comes some official looking dude.
He begins pouring his apologies for the staff having been so rude.
Satisfied that I am who I say,
They give me property back, and say have a nice day.
But wait, I was just getting to the best part.
Surely this cute girl was about to say,
“Up against the wall, and spread your feet apart…”
Well crap, I guess now I’ll be on my way.
I just have this one last thing to say…
For all of you that have a vacation planned, be sure to have your gender ID papers in hand. Apparently having your license read F, and approaching Airport Security with short hair and no breasts, tends to trigger a bit of confusion to our FAA’s best.
By the way, that cutie said yes!
We’re on the beach right now, wearing nothing but smiles.
There’s certainly something to be said for frequent flyer miles!